At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
