True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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