Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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