Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize