Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
