I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
