I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
