Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
