i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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