i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
