sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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