i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
