I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
nutella sex= disaster
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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