Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
