she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
