I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
