Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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