We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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