The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
