So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
