Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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