I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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