I cannot find my penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
