she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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