I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
