I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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