would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Little spoons don't ask big questions
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
