I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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