I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
