I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
