yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im holly from the hills drunk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
