I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
