I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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