just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
