Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
