I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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