I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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