Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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