after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
