there's paper in my vomit.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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