Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
