3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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