can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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