Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
