My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
