I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
