you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The uberlube is also flammable
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
