But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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