I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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