The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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