Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize