I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
