A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
