i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
