I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
