Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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