Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You should frame my arrest warrant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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