I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
