You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
