Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
