What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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