sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
