i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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