i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
