if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize