I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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