$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
