oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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