Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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