I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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