You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
