I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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