This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
