I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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