I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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