remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
