I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
