Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize