Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
