Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How's work?
Spinning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
